Monday, 20 January 2014

Finally back...

It was hard for me to start writing again after my last post.Then I remembered the real reason to why I started this blog,for me and my little baby to look back and remember our journey together.

Mason is now almost 7 months and is a happy little thing. Happy and cheeky! His christening is happening in 2 weeks and I can't wait.
These past months have been so hard for me and I can now put a name to it,post natal depression.Life has become ten times harder since Mason was born and 1000 harder since my mum passed away. I didn't predict that this little beautiful will not sleep through the night,would have the worst reflux known to man,start teething at 4 months and of course doing it all on my own makes it more difficult to deal with.

He is now on solids and he loves his puddings,fruit,biscuits and anything that is really bad for him and makes me look like an unfit mother (i.e tea/coffee!!!).
The useless doctors have finally realized that he does have reflux so he's on Gaviscon until he gets better.I started weaning him at 4 months hoping he'll keep food in as milk was coming straight out and he is doing really well.

Mason is in size 4 nappies and has a 7oz bottle in the morning and one before bed.He still wakes up for a feed around 3am but has that and then he comes in bed with me where he goes back to sleep straight away. Sometimes he stares at be for 10/20 minutes stroking my face until he goes back to sleep. Is so cute,I love it!
I look at him everyday and I just want to eat him,he's so clever and beautiful. I just wish everyday problems,stress and the devastating thoughts I have about my mum every second wouldn't linger so much in my mind.

We are moving house again in 3 days and I cannot wait. We are moving back to my beloved Sandbach where I have all my happy memories so I am hoping this will help me get some closure.

Friday, 27 September 2013

In the loving memory of my mum

Is been a week today since you've left us to go to heaven and I miss you more than ever.The past 2 weeks have passed so quick and my heart hurts every time I think of your last moments. I was glad that you went because I couldn't bear to see you in so much pain but at the same time I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart.I never felt such anger and sadness in my life. I was angry that you didn't want to fight anymore and that you ended up in a horrible hospital without us being there for you.The guilt I feel is beyond words and hope you can forgive me for not knowing better.I am so upset that you didn't get the chance to meet Mason but I will make sure he knows all about you. I brought your ashes with me so you'll never be alone anymore. 

Words are beyond my ability to express the pain I feel but I hope that you can see us and look over us.

I keep trying to ring you like I always used to so you can tell me the latest gossip and moan about the heat, the weather, the car who played with dead mice in your garden... But you are not at the end if the phone anymore :( 

I hope one day I will be able to find peace with myself and be happy again and I hope you found peace where you are.

I love you forever.Rest in peace my beautiful Mum xxx